Hey look, I'm back again.
I wanted to tell you the story of the first time I was woken up at a stupid hour by a small child.
The year was 2011. Wonderboy was about 6 months old. Alright. It wasn't the first time I'd ever been woken at the asscrack of dawn. But it's the first time I can actually remember, so it still counts.
So I stumbled to the lounge room, blankets and pillows in one arm, crying baby in the other. 'cartoons. STAT.' I thought.
And then I saw it. Every mother knows that sinking feeling when you see the static menu screen on abc4kids.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!' I fell to my knees and sobbed. (or more accurately, said 'fucking hell' under my breath and made a coffee). The realization suddenly hit me.. that I'd never been awake early enough to notice that a) cartoons don't run 24/7 and b) 4am is a thing.
Luckily for me (and my offspring) coffee is also a thing. So the obscenely large, caramel frappe coffees with whipped cream also became a thing. It seemed like the natural progression to me.
Flash forwards to this morning. There's that fucking menu screen again...... with the snappy jazz tunes. Excuse me, but if 4am is too early for kids programming- it's too early for jazz, a.k.a inappropriately loud trumpet.
Just saying.
Now, you would think any half decent ninja would just put on a movie. You'd be way off, buddy. Doing that is pretty much a garauntee I'll be sentenced to an entire Saturday of arguing over which movie to watch and uncontrollable crying when it's over. Sorry dudes, but if I have to sit through Toy Story ONE MORE TIME......
I will run screaming into the night. (fitness- mum style.)
I can't even remember where I was going with this pointless tale. I'm that tired. I'm that drained of life force from the crazy cluster feeding 2y.o........ something something and stuff.
Join me next time for a frank discussion about toddlers who can't survive more than 20 minutes without a nipple in their mouths.
Uuuuurrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment